Sideburn Creep

It's pretty common knowledge that couples tend to gain weight once they are married.  I mean, it's bound to happen.  It's the whole you-are-contractually-bound-to-me-now-I'm-going-to-let-myself-go thing.  I have to raise a guilty hand to this one.  What I wasn't told (and recently discovered) was that apparently your husband also gains more sideburns the longer you've been married. 

I know what you are thinking - 'What in the world? How is this even possible?' 

I thought that too.  Allow me to walk you through some evidence.  Three years ago, Beefcake's sideburns conservatively stopped near the top quarter of his ear. 

A couple years passed and his sideburns continued to creep down.  A year ago they reached the bottom of his ear.

Fast forward to current day and the burns are well below earlobe level. 

By my calculations Beefcake's sideburns have grown an inch for every year we've been married.  I give it 4 to 5 more years before he's rocking a complete sideburn chinstrap.  An intervention might have to take place.